Mad Piggy Virus
My previous blog, posted on March 17th and found here, was titled “Airborne Swine Coming Soon to an Internet Near YOU!”
Shortly thereafter, the “Swine Flu” breaks out.
Coincidence or prophecy? You decide.
(If you don’t get the pun, then you can assume that all of SoC’s personalities, including SpamSoC, are laughing at you - though SpamSoC might not really know why he’s laughing. 
)
The Twelve Wheeking Days of Christmas
For those who don’t know, wheeking is the shrill, whistle-like sound that a guinea pig makes.
Anyway, I arrived at my in-laws house last year around this time and when I walked in the door, I saw Ashley, her mom and her sister all sitting with papers in hand and big grins on their faces. First reaction: fear. What the heck do they have planned? Then they began singing. This was their song.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A mound of timothy hay.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight shredded papers
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine ducky bottles
Eight shredded papers
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten bags a rustling
Nine ducky bottles
Eight shredded papers
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven Shred-a-Boxes
Ten bags a rustling
Nine ducky bottles
Eight shredded papers
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve hidey houses
Eleven Shred-a-Boxes
Ten bags a rustling
Nine ducky bottles
Eight shredded papers
Seven sprigs of spinach
Six plastic Pigloos
Five lettuce leaves
Four carrots
Three apple slices
Two nut logs
And a mound of timothy hay
Merry Christmas from CynicSoC and Bella!
Thank You PunditKitchen.com
The following images were originally posted on PunditKitchen.com, part of the icanhascheezburger.com network of lolBlogs.
First, a shout out to the guy who didn’t win the election. This pic sums it up rather well.
McCain Concedes With Class
And Last, a shout out to the guy who did win. I just thought this was funny.
President: Now Available in Black
That is all.
Collections Departments are Stupid
The following is a true story. I am not exaggerating the stupidity of the people on the other side of the conversation. These may not be verbatim, but they are close.
NOTE: Yes, I have debts. Being unemployed for two and a half months makes it hard to keep up. Now that I have a job, I’m working on getting caught up. I just frustrated at the stupid debt collectors that call several times a day, every day.
Coversation 1
SoC: Hello?
Debt Collector: Can I speak to Mr. Farmer?
SoC: You’re talking to him.
DC: Mattheu Farmer?
SoC: Yes.
DC: Mr. Mattheu Farmer?
SoC: …Yes.
DC: Mattheu Farmer.
SoC: Does yes not mean yes where you come from?
Later in the same Conversation
DC: Can you make the payment of XXX dollars today, sir?
SoC: No. I can’t make a payment for at least another month.
DC: To keep this from affecting your credit, can you make a payment of YYY (smaller number) dollars?
SoC: I just said I can’t.
DC: The account shows that ZZZ (even smaller) is all that is past due. Can you make this payment, today?
SoC: …Are you paid to be stupid? If I say I can’t make a payment for another month, that’s EXACTLY what I mean.
Conversation 2
DC: Do you have any family or friends you could ask for help?
SoC: Yes, I have a whole list of rich uncles I need to call at home.
DC: What that sarcasm?
SoC: Yes, that was sarcasm. Do you think I’d be in this situation if I knew someone who could help me out?
Conversation 3
DC: I’m calling about <information removed>.
SoC: I already talked to you guys today. Just look at the notes on my file.
DC: Sir, I do not see any notes on your file.
SoC: I already talked to you guys and explained everything to the last person who called me. I’m not going through it again with you.
DC: The computer doesn’t show that you’ve been called, sir.
SoC: Look, if you’re not going to listen to me, I’m not going to listen to you. I’m not explaining my situation to you again just because the last person was too stupid to put a notation on my file. Just listen to the recording of the last call.
DC: Sir, I don’t have access-
SoC: Goodbye. *click*
Another note: I don’t hate these people or what they do. It’s necessary for some businesses. I even understand why they are calling me. I just wish they’d use their brains when they are talking to me and stop reading the scripts on their computer screen.
You don’t know Jack
Jack. What a versatile word. It’s a name, a noun, a verb and an adjective.
As a name, it seems that Jack means “one who bucks authority to get the job done.” Look at TV and Movies. Jack Bauer (24) constantly does his own thing and gets the job done. Jack Malone (Without a Trace) also breaks the rules to make things happen. Jack O’Neill (Stargate SG-1) has gone against orders quite a few times and is rewarded by promotions… after saving the galaxy, of course. Jack Sparrow, well… Pirate. Need I say more?
As a noun, it’s a bit more boring. A jack could be something to raise a car or something you try to grab before the bouncy ball lands again. Boring.
It’s about the same for it’s verb form. And I am not talking about the nasty verb form. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Jack as an adjective is a bit more interesting, but not too much.
What’s really fun is when you mix all four into one sentence. Observe…
“Jacked up Jack jacked up the car with the jack.”
Just thought you’d like to know the random things that I think about when I’m bored.
Next time, maybe I’ll tell you my thoughts on the animations in Video Games that don’t make sense. Where’s the freakin’ collision detection?
Chistmas Time Again!
It’s that time of year again!
That time where you drive yourself crazy trying to find a parking spot close enough to the store or mall that you will make it to the door before closing the next day, only to have it stolen by some idiot on their cell phone.
That time where we forgo all normal fire safety guidelines and bring a tree inside our homes to put a bunch of lights and flammables called ornaments or garland on them.
That time of year where we spend $5 on a roll of decorative paper to wrap a gift when we know it’s just going to be torn off by the end of the year and thrown away (unless the person receiving the gift has OCD and neatly unwraps the gift, without tearing the paper and folds it up for later use, at which time it will probably be ripped to shreds by the person they give it to).
That time of year that we celebrate our one true reason for living as crazy of an existence as we do: Jesus Christ. I’m not saying the world is crazy because of Him (though the argument could be made… He DID create us… ), but rather that we are living because of Him. Be sure to take some time between the futile wrapping of gifts and keeping the tree from bursting into flames to remember Him and his gift to us. That gift is what our gifts to each other are supposed to reflect.
Also, don’t forget that you can have a copy of my two-page, double-sided, 8-point font wish list if you ask!
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SoC's Tweets
- Done with Lost Season 2. That was a confusing cliffhanger. Oh well.. on to Season 3 tonight!
- Me: "I love you." My son: "I know." Quoting Han Solo at two years old. *sniff* I'm so proud. #starwars #geekpride
- Just finished Lost Season 1. I guess I'm officially hooked. C'mon library, tell me I can pick up seasons 2 & 3 tomorrow... please?
- Halfway through Lost Season 1. Liking it so far.
- So... we are back from the "Camping Trip from Hell." That was decided by all to be the official name for it, so no I'm not exaggerating.
- Today we clean house and finish preparations for vacation. Tomorrow, vacation. Booyah! Thank you Dave & Becky for making it possible!
- Recently, my wife watched Lord of the Rings for the first time. Now, Caleb is watching Lord of the Beans and she wants to watch LOTR again.
- Anyone have a rhino killer that's not a giant gun or explosive? We have a nasty one running around our apartment, and it needs to die now.
- My wife just called me "old".
- If I were a shape, I would be a rhombicuboctahedron today. Also, if I were a number, I would be between a square and a cube.
